DO you feel obliged to buy treats for your colleagues when returning from holiday even though you hate their stupid faces? Here’s what to get them.
‘Interesting’ foreign delicacies
A bag of odd-tasting snacks with an incomprehensible name suggests you think your colleagues have adventurous palates, when in fact it’s just really enjoyable watching them eat deep-fried goat anuses.
People will eat anything if it’s free and distracts them from work for two minutes, so search out something truly horrible like mealworms coated in nougat.
A bottle of undrinkable spirits
Even if it smells and tastes like nail varnish remover, it won’t stop everyone having a nip at lunchtime and dehydration and a nasty hangover by 2pm. Make the fools drink more by claiming you “really like it” and have a few more bottles at home.
An old, battered cake
Office workers are obsessed with cakes, so your colleagues will happily chow down on one that’s travelled a couple of thousand miles in your suitcase, even if it smells a bit weird and has a 70 percent chance of giving them food poisoning.
Liquorice allsorts from the airport
Nothing screams “I hate you bastards and didn’t think of you once while I was away” louder than something so unexotic they can buy it from the newsagent’s across the road.