DO you feel obliged to buy treats for your colleagues when returning from holiday even though you hate their stupid faces? Here’s what to get them.
‘Interesting’ foreign delicacies
A bag of odd-tasting snacks with an incomprehensible name suggests you think your colleagues have adventurous palates, when in fact it’s just really enjoyable watching them eat deep-fried goat anuses.
Disgusting sweets
People will eat anything if it’s free and distracts them from work for two minutes, so search out something truly horrible like mealworms coated in nougat.
A bottle of undrinkable spirits
Even if it smells and tastes like nail varnish remover, it won’t stop everyone having a nip at lunchtime and dehydration and a nasty hangover by 2pm. Make the fools drink more by claiming you “really like it” and have a few more bottles at home.
An old, battered cake
Office workers are obsessed with cakes, so your colleagues will happily chow down on one that’s travelled a couple of thousand miles in your suitcase, even if it smells a bit weird and has a 70 percent chance of giving them food poisoning.
Liquorice allsorts from the airport
Nothing screams “I hate you bastards and didn’t think of you once while I was away” louder than something so unexotic they can buy it from the newsagent’s across the road.
