A MAN who works from home has added having an efficient and productive mid-morning wank to his CV.
Freelance web designer Tom Logan regularly accomplishes an act of self-abuse before 11am, providing a useful morale boost in his solitary working environment.
Logan said: “You know how it is. One minute you’re researching potential clients and the next you’ve accidentally typed ‘big tits’ into the search bar.
“As a professional I think it’s best to meet business challenges head-on, including boners. I can be wanked, re-trousered and meeting a challenging brief within as little as four minutes.
“It actually makes me more productive as I’m less likely to find myself browsing porn at lunchtime, so I’ve added it to my CV I’m sending out at the moment.
“Without it I could easily become unfocused and less driven before my 5pm personal strategy assessment, by which I mean watching Pointless.”
Recruitment consultant Donna Sheridan said: “Tom’s honesty and masturbatory efficiency make him a total shoo-in for this piss-easy £900-a-day job I have on file.”
