Homeworker cracks usual 11am lager

A HOMEWORKING man has cracked open his customary elevenses of a can of lager. 

Network engineer Joe Turner fell into the habit back in April but believes that since it does not affect his work there cannot possibly be any harm in it.

He continued: “Back when I was in the office I used to have a Red Bull at this time of the morning, but the caffine makes me jittery and they’re full of sugar.

“So, one hot day in April, I went to the fridge and all I had was lager and I realised nobody was watching and I could have one if I liked. So I did. And you know what, it really breaks up the morning.

“I don’t overdo it. After my elevenses I stay dry until my lunchtime cans, then maybe I’ll have a cheeky one mid-afternoon before I clock off with four or so at 5pm.

“If I have a meeting I have a meeting. They can’t see the can, they can’t smell beer on my breath, they’ve no idea. In fact I’ve been praised for contributing more than I used to.

“People talk about the benefits of homeworking like no commuting, no boss breathing down your neck, all that. But they keep quiet about the benefit of being mildly pissed all day.”

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Are you happy or just stupid?

HAVE you managed to achieve emotional contentment or are you merely a cretin? Take our quiz and find out: 

What’s your first thought when you wake up?

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ANSWERS

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