YOU could save hundreds of hours learning management skills by just dressing like an ostentatious arse, it has been confirmed.
Researchers found that dressing like one of those dreadful twats you see tumbling out of over-priced restaurants is all you need to gain total control over your team.
Workplace fashion expert Tom Logan said: “An absurdly expensive suit conveys the idea that you’re a shallow, rich, bastard who has done awful things to get where you are.
“Buy a £2000 silky blouse with patent leather epaulets that screams ‘I’ve ruined lives’ and your team will be in the office until midnight.
“And nothing says ‘I will fuck your career if you fuck with me’ like a pair of handmade brogues that cost as much as a flight to Barbados.”
He added: “To get started go to a boutique where you have to ring a bell to get in and are served by a dead-eyed shop assistant with an attitude that regularly wilts flowers.”
