Office like one big family where everyone hates each other

AN OFFICE has been compared to a family where everyone detests each other and fights all the time.  

Staff at marketing firm Clarke & Wallace consider themselves not just workmates, but blood relations who resent each others’ successes and nurse grudges for years over tiny slights.

Account executive Eleanor Shaw said: “My colleague Martin is like a brother to me, in that he constantly takes my stuff without asking and bullies me when he thinks he can get away with it.

“Everyone thinks of Carolyn who runs HR as the office mum, because she drinks too much, doesn’t understand technology, and blatantly has her favourites.

“And Roy from accounts is always staring at my chest, like a creepy uncle.

“We all think we’re too good to be here but here we all are, tied together for life. It’s what family is all about.”

HR manager Carolyn Ryan said: “They’re all bastards but they’re my bastards and I love them.

“No I don’t. I hate them.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

I love money, confirms Queen

THE best thing about being monarch is the huge amount of money you get, the Queen has confirmed.

With her income set to increase by eight percent next year, the Queen said she planned to continue having an absolutely brilliant time.

A Buckingham Palace spokesman said: “When the Crown Estates accountants presented the latest figures she just put her head back and started laughing quietly to herself.

“Then she smiled and shook her head and said, ’82 million quid a year – it just keeps getting better, doesn’t it?’.”

The spokesman added: “Then she got a list out of her handbag and started going through it.

“First thing she asked was, ‘can I get loads more horses?’ and then ‘what about two really big helicopters – a blue one and a red one?’ Then she announced that she was going to order the longest table in the world.

“When the accountants said that was all fine she just nodded and said ‘nice’.”

It is understood the Queen later telephoned King Felipe of Spain, said ’82 million’ and then hung up on him.