Thursday, 29th October 2020

You don't have to resign for being shit anymore, man tells boss

A MAN has explained to his boss that just because he totally bollocksed up his job does not mean he has to resign. 

Accountant Nathan Muir advised his superior that while that was the way it used to be, in the modern era you can do as badly as you want and still just keep your job.

He continued: “Like what I did, when I said I’d done the accounts and hadn’t, that’s nothing. Even if I’d done them all wrong and guaranteed I hadn’t there wouldn’t be grounds.

“Or if I’d bullied people, or if I’d taken bribes, or if I’d set strict rules for using the car park which I kept repeating everyone had to follow to the letter then completely ignored them myself.

“Literally I could embezzle like, thousands from company accounts, look you in the eye and swear blind I hadn’t, then admit it the next day, and not a resignation matter. When you asked I’d just say ‘that’s a dead issue’.

“So this minor thing about me not doing any work for six weeks when I knew there was a deadline coming, that’s nothing. It’d be nothing if it was five months.”

Muir added: “I’m remaining in post over the coming year, mate. That’s how it works now.”