Dream Doctor Toby: He Interprets Your Dreams

Case No. 1: 'Tom and the rope bridge'

Dear Dr Toby,
I had a dream that I was crossing a rope bridge up high in the clouds and then I met an old school friend halfway.

I wanted to know what he was doing, and he said he was biting the toggles off the bridge so that it would break.

He started doing this with his teeth and the bridge came apart and I fell down through the sky, and then hit the floor with a thump (even though they say if you hit the ground you die – you don't! Although you do wake up feeling slightly startled!).

Anyway, what can it all mean?

Tom

Dear Tom,

Although the general theme of this dream – falling – is fairly common, the details of your own personal version reveal a complex and creative personality. I’m guessing that you are heavily involved in the Arts, you probably enjoy ballet and watching 'Strictly Come Dancing'?

The rope bridge and it's location, high in the clouds, suggests that you are highly strung, but have high hopes for your life. The bridge itself is a literal crossing point: your life is moving from one point to another with a potentially troublesome transition ahead.

Dreams involving old school friends are often a defence response, a longing for the 'happiest days of your life', perhaps a desire for the close companionship of a male friend who supported you during puberty and those confusing times when you were embracing the changes from child into adult with all those questions of ambitions, careers and sexuality that it brings.

The fact that your friend destroyed the bridge suggests conflict and possibly a response to rejection, did your friend ever make advances to you?

Perhaps he once stood slightly too close to you in the showers after PE and gazed longingly at your emerging manhood and you felt a stirring in your developing tumescence which made you feel simultaneously dirty, angry and confused, but also excited?

You probably reacted by ostracizing him and you now feel guilty, even subconsciously suicidal for potentially rejecting the only person who ever loved you for who you truly are.

I suggest that you embrace this side of your sexuality and accept that you probably have a filthy desire to fellate sailors.

Hope this helps,

Dr Toby

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Jodie Marsh, Women Warned

AS the rate of skin cancer increases amongst young women, doctors have called for a nationwide information campaign starring creosoted glamour model Jodie Marsh.

The British Medical Association said excessive sun bed use and falling into drunken stupors by the pool in Magaluf had led to a 45% increase in girls looking like Oompa Loompas in high heels.

A spokesman said: "It starts out with first-degree burns and melanomas the size of walnut whips, but if it's not caught in time it can rapidly deteriorate into hair extensions, trashy tattoos and an addiction to footballer's cock."

Salons have been criticised for encouraging overtanning, with one Knutsford shop offering Britain's first 'Doner Tan'.

For £30 a session, customers are strapped to a revolving spit alongside a high-powered tanning bulb while a Bulgarian on minumun wage bastes them with peanut oil using a stirrup pump and a hose.

Meanwhile experts have dubbed the new phenomenon 'Binge-Tanning' in a bid to blame the trend on a complex mixture of conditioning and social pressure, rather than stupidity.

Psychologist Dr Nathan Muir said: "By labelling this syndrome we can achieve not only expensive therapy sessions but also a range of pointless self-help books."

A spokeswoman for the British Skin Foundation, said: "Tanned skin is in fashion at the moment so one can only hope in 10 year's time there's a fashion for having a face like a wicket-keeper's glove."

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