Goodfellas Play School

With Jimmy Conway and Tommy DeVito

A house
With a door
One, two, three, four
Ready to play
What’s the day?
It’s Tuesday you dumb fuck

Tommy D: Hello to all you little kiddy-winks from myself and Jimmy here. You know, we was kinda talkin’ the other day about how to take care a that Big Ted thing and we kinda came to an understandin’. Now you may know that Jimmy here don’t like Big Ted – he’s been throwin’ his weight around lately and showin’ disrespect to Hamble and the other dolls.

Jimmy: At this point I would also like to say that Big Ted is a fuckin’ degenerate gambler who owes me seven big ones – I gotta tell you, if he don’t pay up within the next day he’s going straight through the fuckin’ arched window – head first. I want my money TODAY! TODAY!

Tommy: Not all the dolls are bad though Jimmy – I like Humpty, he’s a stand-up guy.

Jimmy: Fuckin’ marine.

Tommy D: Okay, kids let’s say we go over to the Play School clock and see what the fuckin’ time is. Okay, the little hand is on the two and the big hand is on the twelve.

Jimmy: And my hand is on your sister’s ass.

Nice fuckin’ joke.

Jimmy: I know, it just came to me – I’m real smart that way.

Tommy: Enough of that shit, I think it’s time for today’s story. Jimmy.

Jimmy: Once upon a time, two very naughty men thought it might be a good idea to start shaking down the regulars on my rounds. Long story short, Tommy and myself went down there with a few friends of ours and made sure the bad men were never naughty again.

Tommy: Ok, we was gonna go through the round window to see one of them dumb educational films about a fuckin’ milk bottle factory or whatever the fuck it is you kids are into. But the truth be told, Jimmy got a little bit upset when they showed a factory making licence plates for cars – you see it kinda took him back to the time he went away on that special five-and-a-half-year vacation with Uncle Paulie.

Jimmy: Not good, not good.

Tommy: Anyways, that’s all we got time for today – don’t forget to tune in tomorrow when that dipshit Brian Cant will be presentin’ the show with Toni Arthur, who I’ve been trying to bang for three fuckin’ months now.