I’m a busy father of three, yet all I want to do is get high

Dear Holly

I’m a happily married father of three with a hefty mortgage and a BMW on hire purchase, and yet all I want to do is get high and watch Raiders of the Lost Ark. How can I make this so?



Dear Alan,

Anything is possible if you’re willing to fight for your dream. For example, who could have predicted a Scottish person would ever win anything? And now look, Andy Murray has only gone and won Gold at the Olympics AND the Ryder cup. I’d like to think it has something to do with my class’s harvest festival this year, in which we donated many dubious tins of unwanted food to the starving people of Scotland, and Oliver French made a picture of a combine harvester with nothing but his own bogies. Obviously our benevolence took Andy’s mind off his bleak, ailing nation, and buoyed him on to victory.

Hope that helps!