THE biggest Conservative majority in three decades has been wanked away to nothing by a complete dickhead of a leader.
Two years ago, Boris Johnson won a bollock-kicking majority of 80 seats, but now is only able to pass vital legislation protecting the public with the help of Sir Keir Starmer.
Backbencher Denys Finch Hatton said: “Normally in a case like this the reasons for the unprecedented rebellion would be complex and manifold. But Boris is just a twat.
“We all knew he was a twat before we elected him, but Brexit was of such vital importance we had no choice. Now, with a mere pandemic our only worry, it’s become a pressing issue.
“The parties, the lies, constantly being whipped to vote for total bullshit that he then pulls a full U-turn on making us look like dicks, it’s all added up. From now on we’ll vote however we fancy.
“No confidence? I’m confident he’s f**ked it.”
Johnson said: “With my loyal ERG nutters by my side, I’ll fire anyone who disagrees with me like in 2019! What? They’re not on my side? They hate me? Shit.”