Saturday, 4th April 2020

Brexit celebration attended by more than 4,000 brain cells

A BREXIT rally has been attended by almost 150 people who do not appear to have a f**king clue about what they are celebrating. 

The low number of brain cells in attendance was confirmed by the fact that everyone present talked non-stop nonsense, suggesting they were either thick or bonkers.

Reveller Stephen Malley said: “We’re not on the continent anymore, that’s the main thing. Now we’ll be allowed to eat chicken pies and buy a lawn mower.

“I don’t want a lazy Spaniard telling me what to do every second of the day, although that doesn’t happen. What am I talking about? I’m not sure. But I bl**dy hate it. Hooray!” 

Fellow Brexiter Eleanor Shaw said: “I’m weeping with joy about getting our plug sockets back. Now my granddaughter will be able to do a hairdressing course without filling in 500 pages of EU regulations.”

Event organiser Norman Steele said: “If the EU army came here and started burning the village we’d stab them with kitchen knives. I’m not racist, I just hate paying tax.

“Anyway, grab a drink and would you like some food? It’s time to get the lasagne on the barbecue. Proper English lasagne, from Asda. 

“It’s like they say in that Mel Wilson film – FREEDOM!”