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Pint a delicious, refreshing depressant

ON hot days a pint of beer is a delicious and refreshing way to bring your mood right down, experts have confirmed. 

As the sun continues to shine on the UK, experts have confirmed that a glass of delicious beer is the most seasonally appropriate way to inhibit your brain’s ability to experience happiness.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Beer, lager, and even cider tastes so good at the moment that you won’t even feel like you’re slowly getting sad. But trust me, you are.

“At first your altered brain chemistry will trick you into thinking you’re funny and confident while messing around with your balance. Yet come the next morning, these feelings will subside into a deep sense of despair and futility. You’d think they’d put a warning on the pumps.

“The best part is, once you’ve made the connection between drinking and being depressed, it’s too late to do anything about it. You could wean yourself off with a laborious 12-step programme, but it’s much easier to carry on knocking back those tasty, tasty pints. Cheers!”

Pint drinker Tom Booker said: “Compared to facing a holiday with my family completely sober, low-level depression is a small price to pay.”