Britain wonders what it will take for Truss to realise she's f**ked it

THE UK is wondering at what point Liz Truss will come to the long-overdue realisation that she has completely f**ked it.

As the country approaches the end of a third week of financial turmoil, the Bank of England announces pension funds will collapse from Friday and Britain enters recession, ordinary people are speculating on when the prime minister will notice she is doing a bad job.

Nathan Muir of Hounslow said: “We’ve lost our credit rating, can’t give gilts away, and the anti-growth coalition now encompasses the world. So I’m saying another six months.

“This is a woman who locked reality in the attic of her mind long ago and is deaf to its screams. Did you see her speech? She’s seriously waiting for us to wake up to how great she is.

“My money’s on interest rates of 16 per cent, a three-day working week with four-day blackouts, a general strike and King Charles telling her to f**k off to her face. At the minimum.”

But Donna Sheridan said: “Nah, she’d shrug all that off and blame it on the anti-Brexit faction. I reckon the first misgiving will be when the EU starts airdrops of food, Scotland secedes and they mine the channel to stop us all fleeing.”

Truss said: “Let me settle this. I will never, ever realise I have f**ked it.”

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King to take relationship with Harry to The Repair Shop

THE King is to star in a special episode of The Repair Shop where he takes his relationship with his youngest son in to be fixed, it has been confirmed.

The father-son relationship, which was once a treasured family heirloom, has fallen into disrepair over recent years and is in urgent need of attention from Jay Blades and his team of expert craftsmen.

The King said: “Every relationship can expect to go through a certain amount of wear and tear over time, but as you can see this one has taken a real pasting of late.

“If you look closely you’ll notice some hairline fractures that date back to even before his marriage. Then in 2021 it was smashed into several pieces when him and his bloody woman buggered off to Canada and did their Oprah interview.

“I’ve made clumsy attempts to patch things up myself but it’s been like duct-taping a Ming vase together. I’m really hoping the Repair Shop team can work their magic once again.”

Presenter Jay Blades said: “Christ, I’ve seen some knackered shit in my time but nothing compares to this. Sometimes you’ve got to just throw things out.”