HER Majesty the Queen has consulted an internet search engine over whether she can fire Boris Johnson, it has emerged.
The Partygate scandal has seen the monarch conducting online research into her constitutional role, duties and powers late into the night.
She said: “I know the title isn’t as influential as it once was. Apparently I can’t declare war or France or order beheadings anymore, and owning all the swans isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
“But there must be more to this job than being hugely wealthy and calling multiple castles home. Surely I can dismiss a scruffy fat schoolboy when he’s making such a hash of running the country? In an emergency?
“After all, I have to give this parade of inhuman morons permission to form a government, so it only seems right that I can withdraw it. And I would very much like to withdraw it.
“What’s he going to do if I just outright announce it? Tell me I’m wrong? Why would that be my problem?”
After reaching the bottom of the second page of search results, she added: “I should stop procrastinating and get back to researching whether you can remove your middle son from the line of succession.”
