THE Conservative party has been advised to not even f**king think about doing the thing they are very clearly considering.
As the government casts wildly around to escape its certain fate, the electorate has advised them that the obvious solution to their lack of a prime minister is the worst solution possible.
Carolyn Ryan of Tavistock said: “We know what you’re thinking. And absolutely not.
“I don’t even have to see him for the revulsion to rise up. I can have my back to the TV when the dishevelled prick appears and I still say ‘No’ in a stern voice, like to a dog eyeing a cooling pie on a kitchen counter.
“He had his chance. He f**ked it up with lockdown parties and hiring sex pests and lying about every little bit of it forever. If we turn our backs for a second he’ll be moving his wife’s gaudy furniture back in. Dream on. Before you start, the answer’s no.”
Norman Steele of Keynsham said: “We shouldn’t even be talking about this. It’s an occult Tory scheme to manifest him back into power with collective thought. Forget it. Accept it. He’s done. Move on.”
Senior Tory Denys Finch Hatton said: “Who? Why, it didn’t even cross my mind until you brought it up, but what could be more Churchillian than a disastrous second term?”
