Energy debate halted by blackout

ENERGY executives have escaped a grilling after a power cut at the Houses of Parliament.

The Energy and Climate Change Committee were demanding an explanation for above-inflation rises in bills when the room went black and the burglar alarm started going off.

Ofgem head Andrew Wright said: “My immediate response was one of primal fear.

“After twenty minutes someone found a torch, and it emerged the card meter has mysteriously run out despite there being £30 on it in the morning.

“I agreed to drive Speaker Bercow to the Co-op to charge the card up, but it was closed so we had to go to Londis, and by the time we got back all the energy executives had gone.”

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Fun not achievable in adulthood

FUN for adults is a myth, it has emerged.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies observed a number of grown-up ‘fun’ events for evidence of gay abandon.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “When observing supposedly light-hearted adult activities like go-karting and paintball, we found that the participants were either not remotely interested or desperately trying to win.

“Social gatherings like 40th birthday parties begin awkwardly, descend into boasting competitions and then peter out when guests go home to slag each other off.

“Nightclubs are the least enjoyable of all, being simultaneously terrifying and dull.”

Professor Brubaker also highlighted dance workshops, fancy dress and Christmas as further evidence of adults’ fruitless pursuit of fun.

He said: “What’s interesting is that virtually everyone participating in these events will claim to have had fun, until you sit them down, look them in the eye, and ask them why they liked it.

“When you’re a kid virtually everything has ‘fun value’, even just flicking a beetle can make you completely immersed in pleasure.

“As soon as you hit 21 your fun capacity begins to wither. By 35 it is utterly dead and no amount of juggling, facial hair and ‘gadget shop’ products can revive it.

“By that point the best thing is just to stay away from everyone.”