Wednesday, 5th August 2020

England considering selling Scotland to balance the books

ENGLAND is considering selling off its most valuable possession to help pay for the impending economic crisis, it has emerged.

With the UK hurtling toward a severe recession, Rishi Sunak announced he is thinking of covering the cost of his party’s terrible economic policies by putting Scotland on Gumtree.

The chancellor said: “This will come as a shock to the people of Scotland, who have always lived in complete harmony with England, but we need to raise some cash.” 

As he drafted the Gumtree ad, Sunak continued: “Potential buyers should be aware that the country has only had one previous owner, however there are some signs of wear and tear in Glasgow and Trident won’t be included.

“I’m prepared to chuck in Wales and Northern Ireland if that sweetens the deal. If you’re interested drop me a line on Twitter and we can arrange a convenient time for you to pop round and pick up the lot.

“With a bit of luck I reckon we could raise upwards of two, maybe even three thousand pounds.”

SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon said: “The chancellor’s outrageous proposal shows a complete lack of understanding of Scotland and its proud history. But if it saves me the ball-ache of a second referendum I’ll be round in my car on Saturday.”