THE home secretary has ruled that every burglary, car theft and stolen bicycle must be investigated in case it leads to a precious, wonderful deportation.
Police no longer investigate the majority of thefts because, in a world where every digital device can be tracked, doorbell cameras record every intruder and the majority of stolen goods are openly sold online, finding the culprits is practically impossible.
But the home secretary has insisted there is no such thing as a minor crime when it is committed by an immigrant who could be sent back to a country they have not lived in for 30 years, or possibly Rwanda.
Braverman said: “This is what I call common-sense policing. Back to basics policing. Non-white get-them-on-a-flight policing.
“It stands to reason that most crimes are committed by immigrants. Otherwise, why would decent Tory voters despise them so much? These aren’t irrational people.
“From now on the police must follow every reasonable line of inquiry that leads to a flight overseas. Whether it’s a stolen phone that sends an Albanian home or a passing spliff that deports a Windrush-era Jamaican, we want Britain to know that every immigrant counts.”
