Five double acts that would make a better job of Brexit than Corbyn and May

JEREMY Corbyn meeting with Theresa May to discuss Brexit does not exactly fill sane people with confidence. So which other double acts could be put in charge?

The Krankies

Could there be an odder couple than a grown man and his wife pretending she’s his son for laughs? It’s unclear if the Krankies know much about international trade, but on the upside they are significantly less weird than Corbyn and May.

Cheech and Chong

Brexit is causing nothing but division, hatred and stress. Maybe hippies are what’s needed to make everyone chill out and find a crazy solution to the backstop with an LSD trip. Also it would be really funny to see Michel Barnier stoned.

Ant and Dec

Ant and Dec seem to have presented pretty much everything, so why not give them a crack at Brexit? At least if they balls it up they’ll do it with the kind of light-hearted charm May and Corbyn can only dream of.

Mulder and Scully

As special agents investigating scary events beyond human understanding, Mulder and Scully are well-qualified to figure out the baffling shitshow which is Brexit. Is the truth out there? Or is it just lies on a bus?

The Cheeky Girls

Brexit involves endlessly repeating the same inane phrases, something the Cheeky Girls are expert at. Also one of them used to go out with oddball Lib Dem MP Lembit Öpik, which seems to be enough of a qualification to be a politician at the moment.

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The dad's guide to being a cold weather action hero

IF you’re a dad with two kids and a semi there aren’t many chances to pretend you’re an action hero – but the cold weather changes all that! Here’s what to do.

Pretend your house is a fighter jet

Go round the house checking things: thermostat, radiators, torch. After each item is found to be fine say ‘Check!’ in an authoritative way. In your mind you are now a top gun pilot preparing for takeoff.  

‘Battle’ with the snow

In the UK you’re probably not going to be trapped by 10 feet of snow, but you can dream. You can still enjoy the drama by getting a shovel ready and ‘monitoring the situation’, ie. looking out of the bedroom window with a grave Clint Eastwood expression as a pathetic 1cm of snow falls.

Get out the snow chains

Snow chains will transform a boring journey to work into a James Bond arctic chase with baddies on snowmobiles. Although it’s more likely to be the police wanting to know why the fuck you’re damaging the road and your tyres when there’s hardly any snow.

Carry a rope at all times

People are always falling into frozen ponds and you could be the hero to rescue them. This is also an opportunity to introduce a love interest to your fantasies. Who knows, those cries for help could be coming from gorgeous Countdown host Rachel Riley.

Protect your children from the weather

Make sure your kids’ phones are charged and sternly instruct them to call you “at the first sign of trouble”. This is like being Liam Neeson in Taken. Just resist the temptation to do the “I have a very particular set of skills” speech or you will look a bit mental.