Five reasons Brits would have defeated coronavirus if it wasn't for the meddling EU

THE government says coronavirus is all the more reason to leave the EU. Here’s why we’d never have caught it in the first place if it wasn’t for Eurocrats and their regulations.

Prawn cocktail crisps wouldn’t be banned

We’ve all missed this delicious comestible since it was banned by the EU. Having our crisps back would be a boost to national morale just as effective as any vaccine.

£350 million a week for the NHS, or private health companies

The ‘£350 million’ claim has been pooh-poohed but the side of a bus doesn’t lie. Money currently being spent on paper clips in Brussels could be going to the NHS. Although since it’s unfit for purpose, the money should really go to excellent entrepreneurial start-ups such as Virgin Care.

We could do any mad thing we like to tackle coronavirus

We’ve already flirted with ‘herd immunity’ but there are lots of weird things left to try. Why not spray all migrants coming to the UK with disinfectant? There’s no scientific evidence it would help, but plenty of Daily Mail readers would like it. 

The British character would come to the fore

Having stood alone against the Kaiser and then Hitler, moral fibre and resilience is built into English DNA. Given the chance to make our own decisions, we wouldn’t lock ourselves indoors like French cowards but take on the virus the good old British way – in a fair fight, down the pub.

We could make all criticism of Her Majesty the Queen a criminal offence

With hanging for treason. It probably wouldn’t affect the virus but would add to the wartime atmosphere we’re so keen on.

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Heroic woman risks life to buy essential box of wine

AN incredibly brave woman has risked catching coronavirus at the supermarket because she needed some wine.    

Emma Bradford ventured out to her local Sainsbury’s last night wearing a protective scarf, gloves and sunglasses to pick up some Pinot Grigio.

Bradford said: “It’s at times like this you find strength you never knew you had. I was terrified the entire time I was out there but I did it.

“I heard a man cough in the bread aisle and almost fainted three times from trying not to breathe, but I carried on. I can probably apply for some sort of civic award for bravery. 

“I even managed to get myself three essential grab bags of kettle crisps and a jar of essential olives.

“The problem is that post-lockdown me only stocked up on healthy food. She was naive, and believed she would get fit and healthy during the pandemic.   

“I’m a different person now. I’ve got the inner strength to go back for a box of Merlot tomorrow.”