Ghost unmasked by Scooby-Doo gang asks to stay on as caretaker until autumn

THE Phantom PM caught and unmasked by the Scooby-Doo gang has asked if he can remain in post as caretaker until September.

The group of five teens and a dog caught the supposed spectre, who was scaring people away from a historic house at the very seat of British government in a plot to make himself rich, has admitted he is guilty but asked for a few more months.

Scooby-Doo gang leader Fred Jones said: “He’s very angry, claiming he would have got away with building a high-skill, high-wage economy if it wasn’t for us meddling kids.

“However he says he can’t abandon the position because that would be reckless, that he’s a safe pair of hands to continue as the caretaker he was posing as, and it’s all according to constitutional precedent.

“All he’ll do is carry on as normal, smuggling out the diamonds from the forgotten mine under Downing Street, and making sure everything’s nice and stable for the next incumbent.

“I’m minded to believe him. After all, apart from the gross abuses of power and the terrorising of an entire nation, he seems like a charming guy. What harm could it do?”

The Phantom PM said: “Haha, what harm could it do! What harm indeed?!” while rubbing his hands together with a malevolent sneer.

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Dorries still at large

THE SIEGE of Downing Street has ended but crazed fanatic Nadine Dorries remains at large, police have warned.

After a tense stand-off in which the culture secretary refused to accept Johnson was going, she is thought to have escaped the building during the hubbub of his resignation and could by now be anywhere in the country.

DCI Martin Bishop said: “We’ve seen this before with the Manson Family. A crazed cultist like that won’t accept reality without a fight.

“She could pop up anywhere, a raving zealot whose devotion to the prime minister’s cause remains absolute, still dedicated to putting her one true messiah on Britain’s throne.

“The public are warned to be very careful. She remains extremely dangerous. If you find that your stocks of Pinot Grigio are being raided or find a half-finished novel about Irish immigrants to Liverpool on your laptop, get out immediately.”