He only sleeps with half his brain at a time: surprising facts about Rishi Sunak

RISHI Sunak is the UK’s prime minister, but who or what is he? Learn all about our universally beloved leader with these strange but true facts.

He only sleeps with half his brain at a time

Just like a dolphin, Rishi Sunak never has a proper sleep. Instead, his brain operates in two shifts and doesn’t fully shut down. This will allow him to tackle his formidable in-tray 24/7 without having to break for a nap. It also helps him evade predators who would otherwise try to eat him as he takes a snooze.

He squirts ink when frightened

When startled or threatened, Rishi Sunak is capable of expelling two gallons of ink from his fluid duct. This obscures the vision of his enemies and allows him to escape to safety, which will come in handy during a heated session of PMQs. In some corners of the world, a vial of this precious ink can fetch thousands of pounds.

He can jump over the Eiffel Tower

Rishi’s a trim chap who likes to exercise, but did you know he’s so fit he can jump over 150 times his own height? This means he could easily clear the Eiffel Tower if he felt like it, but he chooses not to because he’s very shy and train tickets to Paris are pretty pricey.

He can use echolocation

If there’s one person who isn’t worried about the prospect of blackouts, it’s Rishi Sunak. By skilfully bouncing sound waves off surfaces, the prime minister can easily navigate his way through pitch black environments without crashing into a wall or table. If you ask him nicely, maybe he’ll show you how it’s done.

He can memorise an entire phonebook

As well as having many impressive physical attributes, Rishi also has an incredible memory. He entertains his friends and family by reciting the entire BT phonebook for Swindon from 1989, while they marvel at the fact that he can pull off this amazing feat, but wasn’t able to remember not to go to a party during lockdown.

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New mother nurturing adorable bundle of resentment towards child-free friends

A WOMAN who has just become a parent is tenderly feeding a growing grudge against her friends who have not.

Since having a baby, Joanna Kramer now puts round-the-clock care and attention into being annoyed with people who have made different choices to her.

Joanna said: “Look, I adore my kid, obviously. But at the same time as looking after him, I’m looking after a gradually developing sense of f**cked-off-ness that my mates are acting as if nothing has changed.

“Which I know it hasn’t for them. But when they say they’re tired because they worked late at the office, I can’t believe the audacity. It’s like they don’t even think of my life when they dare to complain about theirs.

“And if they mention going out drinking at the weekend, my huffiness almost gets out of control. Some people say you don’t know true love until you have a child, but I would argue you also don’t know true irritation.”

Friend Sophie Rodriguez said: “I know Joanna feels like she’s missing out but, honestly, I’d prefer dealing with a screaming baby than this hideous red wine hangover I’ve got.”