A MAN who manages liquid assets for a large conglomerate is harbouring a secret crush on RMT secretary Mick Lynch.
When not moving around big sums of money to make even bigger sums of money, PwC hedge fund manager Joseph Turner sneaks off to read the latest news about the union-leading firebrand on his phone.
He said: “It would never work. He’s a man of the people who stands up for the rights of rail workers, and I’ve frequently bought everything in How To Spend It before the new issue’s out.
“But you know what they say about opposites attracting. When I see Mick taking journalists to task on the news I can’t help but fantasise about bumping into him at Waterloo station. I’m taking the Eurostar to Brussels, he’s on a picket line, our eyes meet.
“We grab a coffee at the Pumpkin Cafe. Before long our opposing positions on the chessboard of capitalism are fogotten. We’re holding hands while the moonlight glints off his head.
“We go back to mine. He calls me a parasite. I call him a Commie. We tear off each others clothes and make savage, tender love. How can something so wrong feel so right?”
Mick Lynch said: “Don’t tell anyone but corporate Patrick Bateman types are my kink. Let’s give this a chance.”