JACOB Rees-Mogg has called a press conference to say he has read the draft Brexit agreement and, against all expectations, absolutely loves it.
The MP for North East Somerset admitted he began reading the draft expecting a traitorous document worse than giving commoners the vote, but soon found himself totally blown away.
He said: “Have you read it? Just fucking read it. It’s amazing.
“From page one you’re gripped, a hundred pages in and you’re cancelling your plans for the night. As for the emotional punch on page 585 – wow. It’s better than Bravo Two Zero or Stephen King’s It.
“I’m deeply sorry about all that nonsense I’ve been spewing for months. This is the Brexit agreement par excellence. The backstop is a work of art. Please, Theresa, publish a sequel!
“I and the rest of my European Research Group will be backing this rowdy boy to the hilt. It’ll sail through parliament like Nelson on HMS Victory. I daresay I’ll salute.”
Theresa May responded: “This is a welcome development but he’s still a pair of glasses drawn on a bean.”