Inflation enthusiastically joins in 1970s revival

INFLATION has announced it is jumping into the current 1970s revival of strikes and power cuts gripping the nation by going up to 18 per cent. 

Never slow to catch a trend, inflation has decided to stop dabbling at a mere 10 per cent and to thrill the nation by doubling in just a few short months.

A spokesman said: “Everybody’s doing it, baby! The streets of Edinburgh are piled high with rubbish, the reservoirs are cracked and dry, and inflation’s riding the retro wave.

“Hey, when you can’t get a train for strikes, when you’re being exhorted to buy British and when supermarket shelves are simply empty, why miss out? Inflation’s as cool as rolling a spliff on a record sleeve right now.

“It was at all the big 70s happenings: the oil crisis, the winter of discontent, Pink Floyd at Earl’s Court, so it’s really an integral part of the decade. You wouldn’t enjoy butterscotch Angel Delight if inflation didn’t mean it was all you could afford.

“And with the calamitous economic policies of a dire prime minister on the way, inflation could even beat its 1975 peak. Wow. We’ll be dancing in the streets while throwing petrol bombs! Boogie wonderland, man!

“Hey, you know what trend goes really well with rocketing inflation? Far-right fascism. You think Britain’s ready for it? I kinda do.”

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How to get it into your thick skull that Boris is taking the piss: A guide for Red Wall voters

BORIS Johnson has returned from his second holiday in a month, but Red Wall supporters have yet to grasp that he’s taking the piss. Try absorbing these hard truths: 

He’s never finished anything

40 new hospitals? There’s some progress on two. Boris isn’t arsed about Brexit and never had any intention of deporting all the foreigners. He’s done a lazy wank of a job to suit himself and is now f**king off without regret, like he’s done from every job and marriage he’s ever had.

Everything’s a joke

If you’re claiming this is a positive, try it yourself: ‘My mum’s gone into hospital.’ ‘Didn’t know she was a doctor! Hahaha!’ See how funny everyone thinks it is. He joked through a pandemic about bodies piled high in their thousands, he laughed off multiple scandals and he’s laughing at you now. To him you’re the joke.

Excessive holidays

In the current crisis Boris went on back-to-back holibobs in Slovenia and Greece. During various crises in 2021 he was in Spain. He didn’t interrupt his Highland break to sort out A-levels in 2020. It doesn’t scream ‘commitment’, does it?


If you wanted a window into Boris’ world it was Partygate. Ignore rules, take no responsibility, drink wine and lie about it. Not the best approach to work, and if you’re unable to remember very recent events described in detail by an inquiry, it might be worth a brain scan to check it’s nothing more serious than being a partisan twat.

Dressing up

He was in a hard hat or lab coat every other day. Is that conducive to work or dicking around dressing up? It’s lucky there wasn’t a chance to wear a suit of armour as he’d have borrowed one from the Royal Armouries, and permanently knackered it with his gut.

He’s just marking time now

Going for a ride in a Typhoon fighter? Oh come on. Boris is just doing his bucket list. Expect trips to the Taj Mahal, swimming with dolphins and the Inca Trail. That’s fine, you’ll argue irrelevantly, because he ‘got all the big decisions right’. Yeah? So why are we this f**ked?