COUNCIL elections are back on and the Greens are polling where they shouldn’t be in Gorton and Denton. So our helpful media have provided reasons not to vote for them:
Polanski’s sinister missing tooth
The Greens’ leader Zack Polanski claims it’s due to a tooth not emerging properly. A dental problem millions suffer from, or proof he is the reincarnation of evil pirate Blackbeard, terror of the seas? And with the same surname as paedo film director Roman Polanski, can we ever trust this man? The apple never falls far from the tree.
They will ban cars
Greens think cars are evil. After a ban you’ll be up at 5am to walk to work, and all your holidays will have to be in the next town along even if it’s Swansea or Luton. They deny they’ll do this, but only because they haven’t interned Clarkson on trumped-up charges yet. It’s easy to read their hate-filled eco-fanatic minds. These people are lunatics.
They’ll make you transgender
As voices of sanity like Rod Liddle have pointed out, the Greens have a radical agenda they keep secret on their website which includes allowing self-identifying gender. In practical terms? If they rule you not sufficiently masculine, you’ll have to go trans. Enjoy your penis while it lasts. Their gender police will be going door-to-door with bolt-cutters.
Everyone knows they’re a joke
Talk to any sensible daytime drinker and they’ll laugh scornfully at the Greens’ silly belief in ‘climate change’ and ‘improving things’, or if not them the next one will. These wise elders are right. The only Green voters are naive sixth-formers going through a Marxist phase.
Only Labour can beat Reform
You’ll be hearing this a lot from Labour. And rightly so because only their brilliant, likeable politicians can win the votes of working-class people they’ve been saying are right to be obsessed with immigration for years. Alienated Labour progressives should remember a vote for the Greens is a vote for Farage and a vote for Farage is a vote for Hitler.
They’re sandal-wearing hippy druggies
We all know what the Greens of the 1970s were like, filling the room with their vile mung bean farts and cannabis smoke. Nothing has changed in the intervening 50 years, so they’ll be high at council meetings and everything will appear as if they’re looking through a kaleidoscope.
Meat will be illegal
A traditional English fry-up in a Green borough? Slices of boiled carrot instead of bacon and a spoonful of mashed banana on a rice cracker for a fried egg. Christmas dinner will be tofu shaped into a turkey with watery meat-free Marmite gravy. If you swat so much as a wasp you’ll be imprisoned for homicide. For God’s sake, think!
