SAJID Javid is unable to look at that part of his new office without almost vomiting, he has confirmed.
The new health secretary has angled his desk away from the offending area where the unspeakable thing his predecessor did took place, but still dry-heaves every time he has to walk past it.
Javid said: “It’s kind of around the corner, the place where he was kissing her and squeezing her bum and the camera had that perfect view of his bald spot. It’s just feet away.
“But it’s a door so we can’t cordon it off. Every time I walk in or out I can feel myself retching. I have to cover my mouth.
“Why couldn’t he use a broom cupboard like a normal love rat? I can’t concentrate on the Delta variant while they writhe over there in my imagination at the scene of the crime. If there’s a fourth wave that’s why.
“It’s been deep-cleaned and we’ve taken out the lightbulb, but it’s still cold when you pass through it. If I haven’t got past this by Wednesday we might need to call in an exorcist. Until then I take a double whiskey every time I retch.”
Hancock said: “It was out of sight of my portrait of Her Majesty the Queen. And that’s all that matters.”
