Labour bribing young people with luxurious free bus travel

THE Labour party is mired in controversy after trying to bribe young people with thrilling, luxurious free bus travel.

The shameless pay off continues the party’s controversial policy of helping young people get on in life instead of vilifying and punishing them.

Conservative MP Julian Cook said: “Labour are promising their young voters a privilege reserved for Tory pensioners, and that’s an outrage. No, it’s evil.

“Travelling by bus is a cornucopia of delights most people would give their right arm for. What could be better than gliding effortlessly through the streets in luxury akin to the Orient Express?

“By god, I wish I were on a bus right now.

“Young people have it easy in our cushy society of flexible working and cheap tuition fees, and now they literally want a free ride? I think I’m going to be sick.”

Student Tom Logan said: “I love travelling by bus, except when you have to wait 40 minutes at a freezing bus stop and it’s almost a fiver to get to college, which is all the time.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Senate asks Zuckerberg, ‘While you’re here, can you set up our printer?’

SENATORS questioning Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg asked if he wouldn’t mind having a look at their printer, while he was there.

Senators felt the top-level hearing on data privacy and Russian interference in elections was a good opportunity to get a young person to sort out their computer problems.

Senator Orrin Hatch said: “None of us can figure out how to connect the goddamn printer to the Senate’s old Dell PC.

“We keep getting an ‘error message’. Is that the same as a computer virus? We’ve heard about those and we don’t want one.

“We have serious questions for Mr. Zuckerberg about data privacy and lots of other things we don’t understand, but mainly we need to print an ‘OUT OF ORDER’ sign for the coffee machine.

“Is it something to do with HTML? Is that the same as coding? What even is coding? We’re sure a young computer man like Mark will know what to do.”

Zuckerberg said: “The printer was fine. They just needed to fill the paper tray.”