THERESA May will attempt to distract from her robotic personality at the Brexit debate by using glove puppets, she has confirmed.
The prime minister will represent the views of Brexiters and Remainers with the help of delightful furry friends Breccy the Bear and Remmy the Raccoon.
A Downing Street spokesman said: “They won’t speak. Instead they’ll squeak, and Theresa will interpret it.
“So Breccy will say ‘Squeak! Squeak squeak SQUEAK!’ and she’ll say ‘What’s that, Breccy? You believe we should leave the EU without a deal and fall back on WTO rules?’.
“‘Silly Breccy! That’s not what the people voted for! And yes, we will be honouring the referendum result, Remmy! No we won’t have a second vote, you out-of-touch elite, you!’.
“It’s a brilliant way of making sure all the different views are heard and ridiculed. Also if David Dimbleby raises a valid point that really needs to be addressed Breccy will squirt him with a water pistol.”
A Labour spokesman said Jeremy Corbyn will represent all sides of the debate because he is all things to all men, although he may bring a mangy old squirrel puppet called Mr Trotsky.