Moron has a good feeling about Truss

A Red Wall Tory who was excited about Boris Johnson has a good feeling about Liz Truss, she has confirmed.

Mary Fisher from Hartlepool, who thinks Johnson got Brexit done masterfully and that he made all the right calls during the pandemic, has a gut feeling that Liz Truss will do an even better job.

Fisher said: “Liz has only been in power for two minutes and she’s already showing signs of solving this cost-of-living crisis easily with her vague, costly plan. So I reckon we can rest easy that everything will be smooth sailing from here on out.

“I’m not superstitious, but I feel it in my waters that Liz Truss will go down in history as the best prime minister we’ve ever had. Years from now aspiring prime ministers will mimic her awkward speeches and head-girl-out-of-her-depth attitude in an effort to further their own careers.

“It wouldn’t surprise me if Russian tanks start reversing out of Ukraine after she gives Putin a stern telling off, and I bet she’s got a solution to the climate crisis tucked away for when she needs a boost in the polls. Not that she’ll ever be unpopular.”

Friend Carolyn Ryan said: “Mary would put money on her convictions if she could but her job was scrapped as part of levelling up.”

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The five stages of grief while filling in your World Cup 2022 sticker album

YOU’RE considering doing a Panini World Cup 2022 album even though this tournament barely counts. What stage of grieving have you reached? 


I’m just buying a few packs for fun, like when I was a boy in 1986 and I got Peter Shilton, Chris Waddle and Trevor Francis all in one pack for 8p. I’m not going to get the whole album or anything, not what they cost these days. It’s just a little bit of harmless nostalgia, that’s all.


I buy ten packs and I get 35 f**king swaps? And six of them are Hassan Al-Haydos? This is bollocks. I only did it because Steve in estimating’s got an album and he said it was filling up no problem. The only England player I’ve got is Harry Maguire. And apparently I have to get 670? Why did I do this? What’s wrong with me?


Steve says he hasn’t got a spare Jack Grealish but he has got a Karim Benzema which he’ll swap for my Kento Hashimoto then I could trade Benzema for Grealish with Jay down the pub, but apparently Hashimoto’s really rare? And I’d be better swapping it for Neymar with Chris then I could swap Neymar for Schär for Messi for Grealish?


I can’t believe how much this has cost me. I’ve sunk £600 quid into this f**king album and it’s still not finished, and my wife’s asked why I’ve been seen going into WH Smith on weekday afternoons. If she checks the joint account I’m in real trouble. It’s not even about football anymore. I just need to complete the Canadian men’s team to fill the hole inside.


The World Cup ended three months ago and I’ve still got 60 stickers to get. I’m never going to do it. I’ve got 65 copies of Alexander Dominguez and he didn’t even make Ecuador’s squad. This was a waste of time, of money and of my one life on this Earth. Now I remember why I couldn’t look at Glenn Hoddle for years without clenching my fists. I’ll never do it again until 2024.