ALL Labour’s discussions are about who to tax and who to give benefits to, according to Pat McFadden. But who would you tax and for whom? Find out: 

Who isn’t paying enough tax in today’s Britain? 

A) Immigrants, who I believe without foundation are allowed to opt out of income tax, council tax and VAT
B) Billionaires, who I once read on social media pay a lower level of tax than house sparrows
C) Pensioners, who due to the triple lock are the richest people in the country and most of them aren’t even war veterans now
D) Benefits claimants, who receive huge lump sums tax-free because they claim to have had difficulty concentrating at school
E) Anyone who has an income either £1,000 above or £1,000 below my household

And who is unfairly receiving benefits and should have them withdrawn? 

A) Poor people, who should get better jobs
B) Generation Z, who claim disability because they went to work once and it gave them a headache
C) Immigrants, who don’t deserve them because they’re not from here
D) Pensioners, who think because they delivered milk in the 1970s they deserve a 30-year free ride
E) Anyone who has an income either £1,000 above or £1,000 below my household

So who should receive benefits? 

A) Hard-working British people who own their own houses
B) British people with jobs who like to watch telly in the evening
C) Honest alarm clock Britain who may have some savings put aside but could always do with more
D) Decent Brits who can’t believe the price of a pint these days
E) Ordinary, striving Britons who do online quizzes about tax and benefits

ANSWERS

A, B, C, D or E: You believe everyone but you should pay more tax, everyone but you should receive fewer benefits, and the money recouped should be paid to you in benefits. At the next election look for a party to vote for who supports this stance. It will be all of them.