HEARD about lazy girl jobs? They’re roles with low effort, low stress and lots of flexibility, which is right up my street. Here’s my guide to the top five.
Freelance writer
Writing is easy, especially if, like me, you’re happy churning out a f**kload of shit schmaltzy romance novels set in olden days Liverpool about poor people with big hearts. Poor people who would have definitely have voted Tory despite the miserable drudgery of their working-class lives. Especially if Boris had been around then. He’s such a stud. I mean, ‘politician with universal appeal’.
Social media manager
Before Saint Boris was driven from office by jealous bastards, I was his prized secretary for culture, media and sport, which means I know loads about the worldwide web (www). Yes, everyone took the piss when I made a baffling video about downstreaming movies and making the UK’s internets safer than the other internets, but people didn’t understand I am a visionary. Like Elon Musk. And he’s going to Mars any day now.
Digital content creator
Being able to make digital content is crucial in this day and age and it’s also a piece of piss. Remember that really cool rap I put on TikTok about online safety? It was lit, as the kids say, and didn’t make anyone cringe so hard their colon came out their nose, despite what they tell you.
Research assistant
Researching things is easy-peasy, so this is an excellent choice of lazy girl job. For example, I did some research when I decided to destroy Channel 4 for no reason other than because they were mean to peerless, perfect Boris. Admittedly I claimed they were in receipt of public money when they aren’t, but who cares? Nobody said the research has to be correct, right?
MP for Mid Bedfordshire
This is the ultimate lazy girl job, as I have proved by not speaking in the Commons since July 2022, and not voting on anything since last April. All while pocketing my £84,754 annual salary! And I’ve sort-of-but-not-really-resigned so they can’t even kick me out. Big result for the lazy girls!
