THE Prime Minister has instructed his new cabinet to initiate high-profile sex scandals.
David Cameron has contrasted Conservative performance in the 1980s, when Thatcher’s Cabinet were at it with anything that moved, with the lacklustre approval ratings of his sexually straitlaced team.
David Cameron said: “We have been selfishly ignoring the grand tradition and leaving poor old Boris to do the shagging of ten men.
Home Secretary Theresa May said: “The Whip is really pushing me to get caught doing escort work.
“Obviously Ive done dominatrix stuff for the really big party donors, but I was hoping I’d be let off with a straightforward extra-marital affair.”
Cameron has ordered Michael Gove to have an affair with his secretary, Ed Davey to get his sister-in-law pregnant, and Jeremy Hunt to be filmed leaving a Vauxhall gay club with a muscular, pot-bellied ‘bear’.