THE government cull may switch to cats as badgers are quite hard to kill.
The controversial badger cull has proved difficult to execute because badgers live underground, actively avoid humans and can run very quickly for an animal with such short legs.
A spokesman said: “Cats are just as problematic as badgers but in a different way. Cat turds make kids go blind. Also you can be stroking a cat and it will suddenly bite your hand, for no reason.
“Plus cats are everywhere, and can be summoned by shaking a box that contains cat biscuits. If we could thin out cat numbers that would definitely be an achievement.”
Marksman Tom Booker admitted: “Badgers are very elusive. You can follow the badger prints for a bit and then they just disappear. They’re like ghosts or something.
“Perhaps they are the spirits of our ancestors. I don’t know, to be honest they’re starting to creep me out.”
Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “I dislike this idea, because most cats have names. My mum always told me ‘never kill anything with a name’ and I’ve stuck to that.”