Obama pops into Downing Street to return Breaking Bad DVDs

FORMER US president Barack Obama went to Number 10 yesterday to drop off the Breaking Bad DVDs he borrowed during his time in office.

The 44th president of the United States visited Rishi Sunak with the sole intention of returning the 21-disc box set he originally borrowed from David Cameron in 2013.

Obama said: “I’ve finished all the special features and every episode is on Netflix now so I don’t need them anymore. Thanks again, though.

“Sorry I took so long with them but I was busy bombing people with flying robots, feeding Biden mushed up food like a baby, and looking effortlessly cool 24/7. You know how it is. Actually, you probably don’t.

“You should count yourself lucky, I was tempted to trade them in at CEX for £2 store credit. The queue was really long though because someone was trying to get a better deal on a used iPhone 12 so I thought this would be easier.

“Anyway, it was good to see the little fella who’s currently in charge, and I love what he’s done with the place. It’s really… yeah. Very sensible of him not to make any permanent changes to the decor.”

Sunak said: “I offered him my Blu-ray of The Last Jedi but he just laughed and walked out.”

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Your friends: Are they worth the effort?

HAVING good friends is meant to be a key part of a happy and healthy life, but are they actually worth the effort? Here are some reasons to consider ditching them.

They want you to leave the house

Despite knowing you spend a fortune on various TV streaming subscriptions, your mates are always on at you to go out and ‘have fun’ like you used to. This usually involves going to a pub where you pay six quid for a pint of the exact same beer you’ve got in the fridge at home, and then moan to each other about how much your mortgage payments have increased.

They want to come round to your house

Your home is a tranquil retreat, where you can leave the dirty dishes to pile up and never vacuum. If your mates come over you have to tidy up in an effort to seem like a functional adult, and then they just drink all your booze and take the piss out of the tatty Reservoir Dogs poster you’ve had since 1994. It’s even worse if they turn up unannounced and catch sight of the VR headset you only use for porn.

They are a bad influence

You’re feeling pretty smug about doing regular exercise, losing a bit of weight and cutting down on your drinking. It’s only when you’re out with your mates that you realise your willpower hasn’t improved, you just don’t have the temptation at home. By the time your friends are buying trays of flaming sambucas, getting absolutely shitfaced on a Tuesday night seems like a great idea. But you can guarantee they won’t be there for the three full days it now takes you to recover.

They get in touch and then ghost you

You’ve just about accepted the fact that you’re never going to see an old friend again, when they get in touch out of the blue about meeting up. You make the effort to look at a calendar and suggest some possible dates, then don’t hear back from them for weeks. After angrily writing them off as useless, they tell you their mum had to go into hospital, so then you have to feel bad about feeling pissed off with them as well.

They cost you a fortune

The costs of having friends are never ending. Stag and hen dos, weddings, significant birthdays. And then they start having kids. Once you think you’ve reached a lull in that parade of expense, they start posting their parkrun times on Facebook. There’s only one place that ends up: a JustGiving page for the inevitable marathon where everybody but you seems happy to show their support to the tune of 50 quid.

They are better than you

Just when you’re feeling like you’ve got life sorted, one of your friends will do something really impressive. They’ve bought a bigger house, had another kid, got an impressive job, moved to a civilised European country. All your mates do is make you feel like shit by being more impressive humans than you, so you might as well ditch them, the bastards.