Never, ever say 'jog on' again, Corbyn told

JEREMY Corbyn has been told never to use the phrase ‘jog on’ again.

The Labour leader sent a shudder through even his most ardent supporters when he said that Boris Johnson should “jog on with his daft ideas”.

Labour member Tom Logan said: “I stand shoulder to shoulder with Jeremy in his desire to preserve the NHS but ‘jog on’ is worse than ‘end of’. Or ‘Muppet.’

“If he’s going to start trying to impress the kids with hackneyed, 10th-hand, sub-David Brent jargon then I’m voting for Jo Swinson. And I’m an actual Marxist.”

Lifelong socialist Nikki Hollis said: “Christ, this ‘jog on’ rubbish. I’d rather we reverted to a feudal system so long as people talked properly.”

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Brexiter looks out at Britain still slaving under the yoke of unspeakable tyranny

A BREXITER who hoped this morning would be his first in a free Britain has instead woken up to another day as a serf in a vassal state. 

Martin Bishop sat and drank his cup of tea this morning while gazing out at a country which once dreamed of finally standing tall but has been beaten down into a cringing, subservient wreck by its despotic masters.

He said: “This morning, tormented by thoughts of treason, I rose and watched the sun rise over a nation that’s no more than a gigantic gulag for our Marxist masters in Brussels, and I wept.

“I saw children rise and go to football practice, knowing deep down they are just disposable cogs in the EUSSR’s grinding machinery and could be replaced by Bulgarians at any time.

“I saw Ocado delivery vans arrive, not bringing good British groceries grown on allotments like in the war, but soulless, regimented carrots farmed without mercy by cruel Spaniards with whips.

“I saw a country betrayed, ground down, hopeless and broken. Then I watched Cash in the Attic.”