Any party promising more public lavatories ‘would win election in landslide’

ANY political party promising free, clean toilets in town centres would win 88 per cent of the vote, research has found. 

Polling showed that the reduction of and privatisation of British lavatories is the key issue for voters, and that they do not give a f**k about most other stuff.

Pollster Helen Archer said: “Brexit, climate change, the economy; none of them leads directly to pissing in a hedge in broad daylight. Which it turns out Britain does not like to do.

“We need to urinate. We need to defecate. Perhaps in the past we’ve been ashamed to shout about that, but the last three years have removed all shame from politics.

“For our children and our children’s children, who are only five and need a piss six times an hour, we need to make a change.

“Any party promising that, and a Chancellor for Litter for the old folks, would get Putin numbers. Saddam Hussein numbers.”