BRITAIN is backing Nigel Farages plan to send the country through a wormhole to an alternate universe where everything is perfect forever.
The Ukip leader demolished self-styled deputy prime minister Nick Clegg in a televised debate after pledging to create a cosmic portal in the time it takes to make a Victoria sponge.
He said: Once through the wormhole life will be fantastic. Everyone will have a job except housewives. Men will be attracted to women and vice-versa. And, best of all, Britain will be the only country in the universe.
He added: The other great thing about the wormhole is that it makes everyone white and sound like theyre from Basingstoke.
You can still have all your black and foreign friends they just wont be black or foreign anymore. So therell be no more of the unpleasantness and racism will have been defeated.
And all this from one simple wormhole.
Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, said: As I listened to Nigel I suddenly thought to myself Wormhole! Of course.
And then I realised that Cameron, Clegg and Miliband already know about The Wormhole and they live in Perfect Britain but keep it secret and come back through The Wormhole to gloat at us and ruin our lives.
He added: Wormhole.