BRITAIN faces a tumultuous decision today because of a relatively small number of annoying, obsessive twats, experts have confirmed.
The country will vote on whether to remain in the European Union thanks to the weirdest members of the Conservative Party and a man who sounds like an angry duck and looks like a monkey had sex with a trout.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Like me, you were probably minding your own business and managing not to think about the EU because it’s so utterly fucking tedious.
“If you did ever think about it then it would probably have been along the lines of ‘it’s a bureaucracy and they tend not to be perfect, but I realise I have to accept that because I’m not a child’.
“But then some right wing oddballs decide to inflict their pathetic neuroses and tawdry power struggles on the rest of us, and so now we all hate each other more than ever. Spiffing.”
He added: “Fuck Britain.”