PRIME minister Gordon Brown has drawn a red line around the savoury cheese sandwich on his desk and warned the EU to back off.
Mr Brown said no more sandwiches would be surrendered to unelected bureaucrats and pledged to defend Britain's long-term sandwich interests.
The prime minister told the House of Commons: "Law and order, immigration, our economy, our environment and our national defence are all now safely in the hands of some nice Dutch people.
"But on the core issues, I faced up to my European counterparts and said, 'if you so much as look at this sandwich or any other British sandwich, I will write a column in The Sun'."
He added: "Those greedy foreigners now know they cannot trifle with the British people or their prime minister, or his sandwich. Or, for that matter, his trifle."
Demanding a referendum, the Tories warned that Britain would soon be forced to eat long, cumbersome French sandwiches or could even face a take-over by the Italians, who don't eat sandwiches at all.
Although Mr Brown dismissed the Tory attacks, he was forced to concede that the red line will have to redrawn after every bite, and when the sandwich is finished he has to send the pen back to Brussels.