Brown Still Sending Blair Abusive Emails

GORDON Brown is in regular contact with his predecessor Tony Blair through a relentless stream of angry, foul-mouthed emails.

The Prime Minister's spokesman said Mr Blair's 10 years in power meant Mr Brown would always look to him as a source of raw hatred.

One email from July 14 reads: "Saw you on the telly today. You look like a twat. Correct that –  you look like twat who's gained weight.

"Where did you leave the spare ink cartridges, you total arse?"

A week later Brown writes: "As you may or may not have noticed the country is under water. I blame you and your ghastly wife for this.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she summoned up some kind of voodoo rain curse to try and make me look stupid. Well, it hasn't worked and everyone thinks I'm great, so shove it up your bumshaft."

Brown also wrote to Blair earlier this week after his first summit with President Bush: "George said he liked me more than you. Thought you were a bit 'churchy', even for him.

"I said you were like some weirdo Jehova's Witness who wouldn't take the hint and we laughed and laughed. Shit off."

Professor Bill McKay, of Glasgow Clyde University, said: "Gordon Brown's poll ratings are not only a boost for the Labour Party but will allow him to taunt Tony Blair with unbridled enthusiasm."

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Cannabis Now Worse Than The Nazis

CANNABIS is now more evil than the Nazis and smoking the drug is worse for the brain than watching Richard Madeley on television, new research suggests.

During the Sixties smoking dope was hardly evil at all, and the drug was more playful and slightly naughty, but in a nice way, a bit like Kenneth Williams.

In the Seventies and Eighties marijuana briefly became totally harmless and could be smoked by future Cabinet ministers up to the rank of Home Secretary without any effect on their brains whatsoever.

However, a massive increase in the strength of the drug since politicians all stopped using it has now made it more nasty and brutish than the combined evil of the Third Reich.

Professor Tom Booker, head of drug research at Glasgow’s Clyde University and the man who conducted the latest lengthy study into the drug, said: “Yeah, whatever.”

A spokesman for the University said: “The Nazi’s were very bad people but even they could not make a middle class white boy adopt dreadlocks for a hairstyle, or make a highly intelligent middle aged man crawl around the floor of his laboratory in his underpants weeping with laughter about nothing at all, and then eat his own weight in marshmallows.”

Following the promotion of cannabis to the top spot in the evilness rankings the top ten most evil things in the world are:

1. (-) Cannabis
2. (2) Tobacco
3. (4) Debt consolidation ads featuring Carol Vorderman
= 5. (1) Richard and Judy
= 5. (3) The Nazis
6. (-) Heathrow Airport
7. (5) Prince Phillip
8. (7) Joseph Stalin
9. (-) Noel Edmonds
10. (10) The Devil and all his minions

(Previous position in brackets)