DAVID Cameron has penciled in next Wednesday to visit an as-yet-unknown community which has been devastated because of spending cuts.
Following forecasts of Arctic weather, the prime minister has put his inexpensive rubber boots by the door and notified the RAF to have a helicopter on standby for when the inevitable happens.
He said: “My concerned face has never been more resolute but compassionate.
“And I’m now so adept at dismissing claims that it’s all thanks to massive, politically-motivated government cuts that I could do it in my sleep.”
He added: “Last week, I found myself insisting that the flooding and freezing which completely destroyed Glasgow were unrelated to cuts, before I realised it hadn’t actually happened yet.
“Still, it’s good to be ahead of the curve.”