Cameron seen leaving Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown’s house

DAVID Cameron has been spotted leaving the home of popular ribald comic Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown in the early hours of the morning.

After Russell Brand pledged support for Labour, the prime minister immediately booked a meeting with the successful goggle-wearing stand-up.

A Conservative source said: “Brand is only popular with effete students who are too lazy to vote, whereas Chubs is the voice of the thick-necked ordinary man who rises early, works hard and drinks a terrifying amount of Stella.

“Chubs talks about relatable things like farting, women’s spending habits and being forced to masturbate because his wife stubbornly refuses to administer oral sex.

“Also he takes positive ownership of his weight by getting the entirety of Wolverhampton Civic Hall to chant ‘you fat bastard’. That’s very inspiring to the plump 50 per cent of the electorate.”

David Cameron said: “Chubs and I enjoyed two hours of talks during which we ate working class ‘selection box’ biscuits and found much common ground, especially on the subject of Nicola Sturgeon, who we agree is a right old boiler with a face like a smacked arse.”

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Creepy wartime family confirmed as ultimate role models

YOU should be like this eerie 40s-style family, it has been confirmed.

Following the completion of their household by a less significant female child, the Cambridges became the national template for a perfect, slightly creepy life.

A government spokesman said: ““On the surface it couldn’t be more idyllic but there’s also something deeply and instinctively unnerving about it all.

“Dad does a manly job, wears v-neck jumpers and doesn’t fret about male pattern baldness, mum dotes on the kids while wearing a frightened rictus grin.

“For entertainment, they sit around listening to patriotic hymns on an old Bakelite radio while their vaguely demonic toddler son pushes yet another nanny down the stairs.

“Anyway, that’s how you should be.”