DAVID Cameron has been spotted leaving the home of popular ribald comic Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown in the early hours of the morning.
After Russell Brand pledged support for Labour, the prime minister immediately booked a meeting with the successful goggle-wearing stand-up.
A Conservative source said: “Brand is only popular with effete students who are too lazy to vote, whereas Chubs is the voice of the thick-necked ordinary man who rises early, works hard and drinks a terrifying amount of Stella.
“Chubs talks about relatable things like farting, women’s spending habits and being forced to masturbate because his wife stubbornly refuses to administer oral sex.
“Also he takes positive ownership of his weight by getting the entirety of Wolverhampton Civic Hall to chant ‘you fat bastard’. That’s very inspiring to the plump 50 per cent of the electorate.”
David Cameron said: “Chubs and I enjoyed two hours of talks during which we ate working class ‘selection box’ biscuits and found much common ground, especially on the subject of Nicola Sturgeon, who we agree is a right old boiler with a face like a smacked arse.”