Click this link and the election will be over

ALL you have to do is click this link and the general election will be over. Go on. Do it. 

Okay, now all you have to do is read down to the bottom of the article, where you will receive some unpleasant news, but it’s still better than getting through the next six weeks day-by-day.

Having doubts? Come on. Six weeks of Corbyn doing his affronted Communist Jesus act. Six weeks of Boris saying ‘dither and delay’ every other sentence. Six weeks of polls.

No lie, when you reach the final paragraph of this article it will hurt. You will probably wish you could go back and stop reading. But best to get the pain done with.

Okay, last chance. But it’s almost over for you, and far preferable to a month-and-a-half of rabid frothing on either side. Better not to hope. Ready?

Boris Johnson’s won a majority, he’s getting his Brexit and will be prime minister for the next five years. Sorry. But now it’s over.

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Whale crossing ocean to mate starting to think long distance relationship not for him

A GRAY whale travelling from the east coast of Russia to Mexico in order to mate is starting to have doubts about his long distance relationship.

Whale Tom Booker admitted a 70-day trip for companionship and hot sex ‘takes a toll on you after a while’.

He added: “Listen, I love her, but… The distance, man. Am I travelling all the way just for a quick shag? I hate to say it, but I feel like it’s true.

“I sometimes feel like I’m missing out, maybe I should just live my life here at home and get to know different whales.”

Sources have confirmed that his partner in Mexico is currently mating vigorously with a multitude of new partners.