Congratulations, you have survived one year of Boris Johnson
WELL done! It seemed unlikely at times, but you have survived one year with Boris Johnson as prime minister. Let’s see what you’ve been through:
That first speech
That opening enthusiastic, excited, catchphrase-laden vacuous and content-free speech let you know exactly what to expect. Right-wing commentators often approvingly describe Johnson as ‘Tiggerish’. Have they ever watched Winnie the Pooh? Tigger is shit-thick.
That prorogation bollocks
Cancelling parliament for three weeks was an inspired Dom Cummings outside-the-box move. It being ruled illegal and brought back early felt like a huge victory for Remainers. In reality, none of it proved anything apart from the prime minister’s propensity for an unforced clusterf**k.
After a few bad reviews early on, Johnson essentially didn’t bother turning up. Corbyn was tetchy and irritated by the whole thing. The public didn’t want it in the way of Christmas. The whole thing was an exercise in passive-aggressive resentment, and as such deeply British.
The fireworks went off, pissed blokes danced around in town squares, very little actually changed and Johnson took full credit for it, claimed the whole country was behind him and he was a great success. Hubris is a classical Greek word. You’d think he’d know it.
The prime minister, with his well-known reluctance to believe in bad things, did so well at convincing himself the coronavirus was fine that he caught it and could have died. Has since decided that shops are more important.
A toast to our leader? May as well, in 12 months the whole country’s become functioning alcoholic shut-ins with feral children and no future. Truly we are made in His image.