Conservative Party still pretending it’s not completely f**ked

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Dire warnings ‘don’t work when delivered in French’

THE French language just makes threats sound alluring or delicious, it has been confirmed.

As French President Francois Hollande warned a British exit from the EU would have terrifying consequences, Brexit supporters said he sounded quite sexy and not at all frightening.

Eurosceptic, Martin Bishop, said: “Either he was actively trying to seduce me or he was reeling off some kind of delicious recipe.

“Either way, I don’t feel threatened in the slightest. I feel hungry and, yes, perhaps even a little bit turned on.”

Brexit campaigner Roy Hobbs added: “I’d do whatever he asked if he looked right at me and said it in French.

“Except for voting to stay in the EU. Leaving the EU would be better than sex.”