Corbyn so reasonable supporter worried he's been drugged

JEREMY Corbyn is taking political positions so rational that a worried supporter is afraid he is being drugged and controlled. 

Momentum member Nathan Muir fears that the only way Corbyn could have been stopped from totally screwing up efforts against no-deal would be if he was kept docile on tranquilisers and manipulated by shadowy advisers.

He said: “I kept waiting for Corbyn to blow it. To suddenly back an election. To demand the SNP install him as leader. Or simply to not turn up because of a meeting of the Wakefield Free Cuba society.

“But somehow he glided through the entire thing and even now shows no sign of abandoning his sensible positions for anything suicidal. So that proves it.

“I’m going to mask up, break into Labour HQ, smuggle Corbyn out disguised as a grumpy old caretaker, and deprogramme him on my allotment.

“I’m confident that within 48 hours he’ll be shunning all co-operation with the Lib Dems, claiming only he can deliver a worker’s Brexit and delivering the next election direct to Boris.

“It’ll be better that way, because he’ll remain ideologically pure.”

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Woman stares at cup of tea wondering if she made it

A WOMAN is staring at a steaming mug of tea in front of her, wondering if she made it and if not who the hell did. 

Carolyn Ryan, who is working from home, prodded the tea with one finger to confirm it was indeed hot and fresh and real.

She said: “But I’ve been sitting here. Haven’t I?

“I’d remember getting up and going to the kitchen. And putting the kettle on. And the whole reasonably lengthy tea-making process. And I don’t.

“But the only other explanation is there’s an intruder, making tea, or Steve’s home but he can’t be or I wouldn’t have a porn window open on my laptop, so it must be me.

“I’m an intelligent person. Yet I can’t even send myself an email reminder without immediately checking my phone beep to see who the new email’s from.

“Last week I lost my phone, spent an hour calling it to find it, and then was surprised to have 49 missed calls. Anyway. Tea.”