Coulson ‘knew he was going to resign’ claims Guardian

FORMER Number 10 press chief Andy Coulson must have known about his own resignation, the Guardian claimed today.

His finest hour will always be that thing about the bird with the massive tits

In a 4.5m page exposé the paper revealed that Coulson hired a private detective to hack into his mobile phone and then send him transcripts of what he had said.

According to the paper’s investigation, if Coulson has seen the transcripts then he would have known that he discussed resigning as early as last week, but deliberately failed to tell the Fire Brigade.

Coulson said today: “I had no idea I was going to resign. The only people who knew were the private detective, my wife, the prime minister and all the people who report directly to me and do exactly what I say as if their job depended on it.

“I am disappointed in all of them but I have found that I can no longer fulfil my role in Downing Street and deny asking someone to find out what Andy Gray said to some bloody sports agent’s personal assistant and whether Sienna Miller is secretly into pasty, dark haired Essex boys.

“And I also hate working with Vince Cable. He’s a fucking arsehole.”

Coulson has been under intense pressure from the Guardian after spending four years giving News of the World readers exactly what they wanted and then having the sheer affrontery to get a well paid job working for someone they disagree with.

Meanwhile Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger has launched a new campaign calling for Coulson to resign from his next eight jobs.

He added: “I will only give up when Rupert Murdoch shuts down Fox News and then sends me a lovely card saying he has been wrong about everything all along.”

Bill McKay, a man who was stopped in the street in Peterborough, said: “Who’s Andy Coulson? Really? Is that all?”


From the vaults:
Guardian ‘Hacking Phones To Get Incredibly Boring Stories’
News Of The World Readers Could Not Care Less