Couple staying up to watch their brief interest in politics die in real time

A COUPLE are staying up all night to witness the live televised death of their fleeting interest in politics.

While usually politically apathetic, the Logans have been inspired to become part of a growing movement of people who will have their hopes spectacularly and brutally dashed.

Tom Logan said: “The best time to suffer a huge disappointment is five in the morning after drinking nine cans of Apple Tango to stay awake.

“The growing wave of nausea through sleep deprivation will really add to the experience and hopefully the painful next day at work will remind me never to vote again.”

The Logans have taken the liberty of ordering 100 red balloons which can float around the house in states of deflation for days afterwards providing an apt metaphor for their defeat and they plan to use their misery to educate their young son, Tim Logan.

Clare Logan said: “It’s the first General Election that Tim has been old enough to understand, so I want to let him stay up too so he can experience his first spirit-crushing disappointment.

“Maybe we’ll tell him Father Christmas doesn’t exist straight after the result is announced.”

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Britain to make f**king awful decision

THE UK is on its way to the polling station to make a decision it is certain it will regret. 

The country, which has been making unappealing and disastrous decisions like this since at least 2005, actually believes this one to be the worst yet.

Voter Eleanor Shaw said: “It’s not just that the choice is bad, though it is dreadful. It’s that it bears no relation to what you’ll actually get.

“Like last time I voted Cameron, at the least I thought I’d get Cameron. Shit but safe. Instead I got a mad-eyed germophobe demanding a Brexit that can slice steel.

“I voted to leave the EU a little bit and we’re crashing out of everything, I voted Clegg and got a pet Clegg, and every single time it’s like but all the other options also sucked.

“In a year I’ll be going ‘Why did I do that? Why?’ but voting’s about getting it wrong, isn’t it? That’s half the fun.”