David Davis offers to crucify himself as Brexit payment

DAVID Davis has offered himself for crucifixion if Britain can leave the EU on favourable terms.

Davis made the offer to the EU negotiators, adding that he would bear them no grudge for their actions and that he would see them again in the next life, as long as the next life wasn’t in Brussels.

Davis said: “A human sacrifice is obviously the only way we’re going to sort this out, so take me as a martyr for Brexit.

Like Jesus Christ, Joan of Arc or that Buddhist monk on the cover of the first Rage Against the Machine album.”

EU chief negotiator Michel Barnier added: “It’s a kind offer but we’re actually more interested in sorting out freedom of movement and things like that.

But he just offered up the palms of his hands and said ‘Whatever you do to the least of my brothers, you also do it to Boris Johnson.’”